「老伴」的幸福指數
惟雯說故事
新的養老觀 ~~什麼人最窮???
沒有朋友的人最窮!!!
你有幾個「老伴」?
如果你單身、失婚或者老年喪偶,沒有老伴,該怎麼辦?
別擔心,老伴不是指婚姻關係裡的配偶,而是泛指「老來一起作伴」的親朋好友。
假設你的答案是「只有1個」,很抱歉,顯示你的支持網絡薄弱,你的生活十分退縮封閉;10個,不錯,相當充實;20個,恭喜你,保證生活非常多采多姿。
一般人常指望夫妻的功能之一,就是老了一起作伴。
但根據社會心理分析,這個迷思與事實相去甚遠,配偶不見得是最好的人生伴侶,如果一廂情願把配偶當成理想的老伴,恐怕會失望,很多性格不相投的夫妻,愈老愈不肯妥協,貌伴合神離,相敬如冰,退休後分床、分房、分居、分手的例子,比比皆是。
資深兩性專欄作家薇薇夫人毫不隱諱指出,「寄望婚姻(配偶)能解除寂寞,基本上是神話。」
現實中看到很多夫妻「你走你的陽關道,我過我的獨木橋」,幾乎沒有任何交集,她的一些朋友有時不能把心事告訴配偶,卻能對好朋友暢所欲言。
屏東科技大學社工系講師廖紀華也主張,老伴不是只有「另外一半」,一旦把全部的指望都放在配偶身上,期待對方陪伴度過晚年生活,這是把生命窄化,而且對彼此的壓力都太沈重……
尤其萬一有一半先走了,另一半則是難以承受之痛……
「夫妻關係太黏膩、太依賴,對生死就不容易看得透。」她善意提醒。
廖紀華舉自己的公婆為例,兩位長輩感情甚篤,在同一個學校教書,數十年來都是同進同出,從無例外。
前一陣子,76歲的公公竟然鼓勵婆婆跟著兒子去自助旅行,這是兩個人第一次長期分開,雙方都很不捨,但公公對家人說,「她也應該學習不要再這麼黏我了!」
經常受邀參與社區老人議題講座的廖紀華觀察,在絕大多數社福團體、醫療機構服務的志工,80%都是女性,年長男性反而不願意走出來,「家庭角色互換,女性退休後跑出來,男性則大多窩在家裡,只會打電話問老婆『什麼時候回家煮飯』。
老人學專家、世新大學社會心理系教授邱天助指出,幸福的退休生活至少包括6個面向,健康、感情、學習、工作、信仰(精神),以及社交活動。社會支持網絡代表與他人的連結度,找對老伴不但可以提升生命品質,還能改善健康與壽命。
美國密西根大學心理系曾追蹤100名退休族4年後的生活狀況,其中對生活最感滿意的退休族,平均有16名可以依賴的朋友或熟人;不滿意退休生活的,則只有不到10個朋友。
研究人員因此得到一個重要結論:團體和情感方面的支援,是左右退休快樂與否的重要因素,影響程度更勝於金錢。即使保持單身,但有很多親近的朋友、家人、鄰居,參加有意義的組織,照樣可以擴大生活圈,享受精彩的老年生活。
加州大學河濱分校教授傅利曼(Howard S. Friedman)在《他們為什麼活到99》書中指出,擁有滿意的社會關係與豐富的社交生活比較快樂。他並且提出一個自我檢測量表,列舉10個評估項目,譬如是否常和朋友一起做什麼事、每個月見幾次面、熱心助人等等。
老年最害怕自己一無所有,會恐慌、沒有安全感,愈早計劃,就能愈早瞭解還有哪些不足、哪些已經很豐富。
因為沒有同伴,生活不知如何打發,足不出戶、唉聲嘆氣的長輩比比皆是,「『老年自閉症』或『老年憂鬱症』比『老年癡呆症』更教人憂心。」找伴是退休族一個重要的人生功課,絕不容輕忽。
但老伴不會自動掉下來,而是用心經營的結果,更不能一廂情願以為船到橋頭自然直,一定要提早開始「收編」,中年就要考慮累積下一階段的人際資源。
廖紀華常聽到很多人開口閉口說「隨緣」,在她看來則是「偷懶」的藉口,朋友之間一定要花時間維繫,否則關係就會疏遠,「不要以前忙著工作,忘了交好朋友,等到老了再交,別人也會挑(剔)你。」
正如同年輕的時候會為「往上爬」做準備,過了中年以後,不管40歲、50歲,就要開始為「往下走」做計劃,一定要知道如何下山,才能順利地從山頂回到出發的原點。
總之,「沒有朋友的人最貧窮。」
「老伴」可提高幸福指數,全看你如何安排生活,全看你有沒有成熟的心理。喜歡就值得去做,別忘了,這輩子就只這一次
感謝 老朋友 。
留言列表(960条)
I blog often and I genuinely thank you for your content.
This great article has really peaked my interest. I’m going
to take a note of your site and keep checking for new information about once per week.
I subscribed to your RSS feed as well.
Thanks for the tips you share through this site. In addition, quite a few young women exactly who become pregnant never even try to get medical health insurance because they are full of fearfulness they would not qualify. Although some states at this moment require that insurers provide coverage no matter what about the pre-existing conditions. Charges on all these guaranteed programs are usually higher, but when thinking about the high cost of health care bills it may be any safer route to take to protect your financial future.
Good information. Lucky me I ran across your website by chance (stumbleupon). I have book marked it for later!
I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Perfectly written.
ahrareileak, leaked, leakshttps://www.start.gg/user/dc3e79b8
After looking over a few of the blog articles on your web page, I really like your technique of blogging. I book marked it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Take a look at my website too and tell me what you think.
You made some good points there. I looked on the web to learn more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.
This is a topic that is close to my heart… Thank you! Where can I find the contact details for questions?
Would you be all for exchanging hyperlinks?
Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say excellent blog!
You’re so interesting! I don’t suppose I’ve read through something like this before. So great to find another person with unique thoughts on this topic. Really.. thank you for starting this up. This website is one thing that is needed on the web, someone with a bit of originality.
I simply couldn’t leave your web site before suggesting that I really loved the usual information an individual supply to your visitors? Is going to be back frequently in order to check up on new posts
This will be a fantastic web site, could you be involved in doing an interview regarding how you created it? If so e-mail me!
Good post! We will be linking to this great post on our website. Keep up the great writing.
Hey there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!
Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely useful information specially the last part 🙂 I care for such info much. I was looking for this certain information for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and also the rest of the website is extremely good.
Almanya’nın En iyi medyum olarak bir danışman için medyum haluk hocayı seçin en iyi medyum hocalardan bir tanesidir.
Throughout the grand scheme of things you actually get an A with regard to effort and hard work. Where exactly you actually confused us ended up being on the facts. As people say, the devil is in the details… And it couldn’t be more true at this point. Having said that, allow me reveal to you just what exactly did work. Your article (parts of it) is actually pretty powerful and that is probably the reason why I am making an effort to opine. I do not really make it a regular habit of doing that. Second, while I can notice a jumps in logic you make, I am not necessarily convinced of just how you seem to connect the ideas which in turn help to make your final result. For the moment I will, no doubt subscribe to your position however trust in the future you link your dots much better.
I will right away snatch your rss feed as I can’t to find your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly allow me recognise in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.
You’ve made some good points there. I checked on the net for additional information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.
Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all of us you really know what you’re talking about! Bookmarked. Please also visit my website =). We could have a link exchange agreement between us!
This web site really has all of the information I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.
I’m in awe of the author’s talent to make intricate concepts accessible to readers of all backgrounds. This article is a testament to her expertise and passion to providing valuable insights. Thank you, author, for creating such an captivating and illuminating piece. It has been an incredible joy to read!
Your style is so unique compared to other folks I have read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this site.
bookmarked!!, I love your website.
Hi, I do believe this is an excellent website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I’m going to come back once again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.
Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to generate a great article… but what can I say… I put things off a whole lot and don’t manage to get anything done.
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who has been doing a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me lunch due to the fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending time to discuss this matter here on your site.
After checking out a handful of the articles on your web site, I truly appreciate your technique of blogging. I saved it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future. Take a look at my website as well and tell me what you think.
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful article. Many thanks for supplying this info.
Good information. Lucky me I ran across your blog by accident (stumbleupon). I have saved as a favorite for later!
I’m very happy to discover this site. I need to to thank you for your time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely savored every part of it and i also have you bookmarked to see new things in your blog.
Good write-up. I absolutely love this site. Keep writing!
I needed to thank you for this great read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it. I have you bookmarked to check out new things you post…
Saved as a favorite, I really like your site.
Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I’ve truly loved browsing your blog posts. After all I?ll be subscribing in your feed and I am hoping you write again soon!
You ought to take part in a contest for one of the highest quality blogs on the net. I’m going to highly recommend this blog!
Excellent post! We will be linking to this particularly great content on our website.
Keep up the good writing.
Thanks a lot for the helpful post. It is also my opinion that mesothelioma has an incredibly long latency period, which means that warning signs of the disease would possibly not emerge until finally 30 to 50 years after the original exposure to asbestos. Pleural mesothelioma, that is the most common kind and influences the area within the lungs, might cause shortness of breath, torso pains, plus a persistent coughing, which may bring about coughing up maintain.
Thank you for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more from this post. I am very glad to see such excellent information being shared freely out there.
You’re so awesome! I don’t believe I have read through anything like that before. So nice to discover someone with unique thoughts on this subject matter. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality.
Right here is the right webpage for anyone who would like to understand this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject which has been written about for decades. Wonderful stuff, just wonderful.
It is really a nice and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.
Howdy are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you need any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!
You should be a part of a contest for one of the finest websites on the internet. I will recommend this blog!
Hello are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
That is the fitting blog for anyone who desires to find out about this topic. You notice a lot its virtually exhausting to argue with you (not that I actually would want?HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!
Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thank you, However I am having troubles with your RSS. I don’t know the reason why I can’t join it. Is there anybody getting the same RSS issues? Anyone that knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanx!
I love how you explained [topic] in such a clear and understandable way