「老伴」的幸福指數
惟雯說故事
新的養老觀 ~~什麼人最窮？？？
沒有朋友的人最窮！！！
你有幾個「老伴」？
如果你單身、失婚或者老年喪偶，沒有老伴，該怎麼辦？
別擔心，老伴不是指婚姻關係裡的配偶，而是泛指「老來一起作伴」的親朋好友。
假設你的答案是「只有1個」，很抱歉，顯示你的支持網絡薄弱，你的生活十分退縮封閉；10個，不錯，相當充實；20個，恭喜你，保證生活非常多采多姿。
一般人常指望夫妻的功能之一，就是老了一起作伴。
但根據社會心理分析，這個迷思與事實相去甚遠，配偶不見得是最好的人生伴侶，如果一廂情願把配偶當成理想的老伴，恐怕會失望，很多性格不相投的夫妻，愈老愈不肯妥協，貌伴合神離，相敬如冰，退休後分床、分房、分居、分手的例子，比比皆是。
資深兩性專欄作家薇薇夫人毫不隱諱指出，「寄望婚姻（配偶）能解除寂寞，基本上是神話。」
現實中看到很多夫妻「你走你的陽關道，我過我的獨木橋」，幾乎沒有任何交集，她的一些朋友有時不能把心事告訴配偶，卻能對好朋友暢所欲言。
屏東科技大學社工系講師廖紀華也主張，老伴不是只有「另外一半」，一旦把全部的指望都放在配偶身上，期待對方陪伴度過晚年生活，這是把生命窄化，而且對彼此的壓力都太沈重……
尤其萬一有一半先走了，另一半則是難以承受之痛……
「夫妻關係太黏膩、太依賴，對生死就不容易看得透。」她善意提醒。
廖紀華舉自己的公婆為例，兩位長輩感情甚篤，在同一個學校教書，數十年來都是同進同出，從無例外。
前一陣子，76歲的公公竟然鼓勵婆婆跟著兒子去自助旅行，這是兩個人第一次長期分開，雙方都很不捨，但公公對家人說，「她也應該學習不要再這麼黏我了！」
經常受邀參與社區老人議題講座的廖紀華觀察，在絕大多數社福團體、醫療機構服務的志工，80％都是女性，年長男性反而不願意走出來，「家庭角色互換，女性退休後跑出來，男性則大多窩在家裡，只會打電話問老婆『什麼時候回家煮飯』。
老人學專家、世新大學社會心理系教授邱天助指出，幸福的退休生活至少包括6個面向，健康、感情、學習、工作、信仰（精神），以及社交活動。社會支持網絡代表與他人的連結度，找對老伴不但可以提升生命品質，還能改善健康與壽命。
美國密西根大學心理系曾追蹤100名退休族4年後的生活狀況，其中對生活最感滿意的退休族，平均有16名可以依賴的朋友或熟人；不滿意退休生活的，則只有不到10個朋友。
研究人員因此得到一個重要結論：團體和情感方面的支援，是左右退休快樂與否的重要因素，影響程度更勝於金錢。即使保持單身，但有很多親近的朋友、家人、鄰居，參加有意義的組織，照樣可以擴大生活圈，享受精彩的老年生活。
加州大學河濱分校教授傅利曼（Howard S. Friedman）在《他們為什麼活到99》書中指出，擁有滿意的社會關係與豐富的社交生活比較快樂。他並且提出一個自我檢測量表，列舉10個評估項目，譬如是否常和朋友一起做什麼事、每個月見幾次面、熱心助人等等。
老年最害怕自己一無所有，會恐慌、沒有安全感，愈早計劃，就能愈早瞭解還有哪些不足、哪些已經很豐富。
因為沒有同伴，生活不知如何打發，足不出戶、唉聲嘆氣的長輩比比皆是，「『老年自閉症』或『老年憂鬱症』比『老年癡呆症』更教人憂心。」找伴是退休族一個重要的人生功課，絕不容輕忽。
但老伴不會自動掉下來，而是用心經營的結果，更不能一廂情願以為船到橋頭自然直，一定要提早開始「收編」，中年就要考慮累積下一階段的人際資源。
廖紀華常聽到很多人開口閉口說「隨緣」，在她看來則是「偷懶」的藉口，朋友之間一定要花時間維繫，否則關係就會疏遠，「不要以前忙著工作，忘了交好朋友，等到老了再交，別人也會挑（剔）你。」
正如同年輕的時候會為「往上爬」做準備，過了中年以後，不管40歲、50歲，就要開始為「往下走」做計劃，一定要知道如何下山，才能順利地從山頂回到出發的原點。
總之，「沒有朋友的人最貧窮。」
「老伴」可提高幸福指數，全看你如何安排生活，全看你有沒有成熟的心理。喜歡就值得去做，別忘了，這輩子就只這一次
感謝 老朋友 。
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