日本單身女人養老團
惟雯說故事
日本國民台NHK推出了一個短紀錄片《7位一起生活的單身女人》。
7位女性,年齡從71歲到83歲,6個終生未婚,一個離異單身。
10年前,她們購買了同一幢公寓的7個單間,組成養老姐妹團:
個個Seven。
姐妹團的發起人是今年78歲的村田幸子。幸子年輕時因為醉心於工作,不滿日本女性結婚後,必須辭職回歸家庭的傳統風氣,終生未婚。
退休以後,幸子把職場中訓練出的強大組織能力和思考能力,運用到為自己安排養老問題上。
“與他人發生關聯”,避免孤獨死,是姐妹團成團的初衷。從2002年開始,幸子為養老團招募合適人選,入選者必須是“老年單身貴族”,符合以下幾點:
1.單身;
2.有相當的經濟能力;
3.生活自理能力強、心態年輕;
4.性格開朗、容易相處;
5.認可同居養老理念,尊重姐妹團“規章制度”。
2004年開始,這群“老年單身貴族”在一起相處、磨合,並且尋找適合養老的公寓,直到2008年,“個個Seven”正式成團,開啟了美妙的同居養老生活。
—-櫻花季,一起旅行,節假日一起看煙花。
—-在公寓的公共空間喝下午茶。
—-不在家的時候,姐妹上門幫忙澆花;
—-每個房間裝有SOS呼叫系統。2018年初,71歲的川名紀美忽發心悸頭疼,通過SOS系統叫來鄰居幫忙。
日本保險協會的《孤獨死的現狀報告》顯示,東京23區內的65歲以上老人孤獨死人數,從2002年的1364人,增長到2014年的2885人。而發現遺體所需要的平均時間,男性為23天,女性為7天。
79歲的安田和子坦言,自己加入同居養老,是不希望剩下白骨才被人發現。
讓人特別感動的是,在紀錄片中,老人們頻繁提到的一個詞:尊嚴。
這群從年輕時,就習慣了獨當一面、獨立自強的女性,一起打造“自立與共同生活的住處”,期待完美地度過人生的秋天,不給任何人增加負擔。
—-村田幸子是NHK電視臺的播音員。
—-田矢奶奶年輕時,在一家私企做了40年宣傳部負責人。
—-川名紀美,年輕時做過報社記者,離異後,獨自撫養女兒長大。
—-安田和子是心理學家兼女性生活顧問;
—-一之坪良江是牛*閃閃的廣告策劃人。
—-市川禮子年輕時,任職老人康復專家,做到了理事長(相當於股東代表)的職位。
即使平均年齡已經到了78歲,有人仍然堅持每天工作:
—-村田幸子繼續做播音員,紀錄片《7位一起生活的單身女人》正是由她做主持人並兼任旁白;
—-安田和子也每天去診所上班,心理諮詢師就是一個越老越值錢的工作。
她們無論在什麼年齡,都沒有放棄尊嚴。
而她們理解的尊嚴,至少包括以下四點:
1、獨立生活,不隨便麻煩別人。
姐妹團成員雖然住在同一幢公寓,但各自生活獨立。
2、與時俱進的年輕心態。
看80歲老奶奶們戴的珠寶首飾,20歲的你,會不會覺得自己活得太“糙”?
她們還參加朗讀社、去咖啡館寫作,學習使用電腦。
安田和子說,希望人生每一天都有意義,死後墓碑上只有一句話:啊,真有趣啊!
3、溫暖的死亡教育。
對於平均年齡78歲的她們來說,死亡是不可回避的話題。下午茶時間,老人們會經常在一起,練習向世界告別。
討論死後要不要化妝,結論是一定要化妝,美美噠告別人生;至於最後的歸宿,有人想在櫻花樹下,有人想撒向大海。
4、“不提供護理幫助”的先進共處理念。
在我們的傳統觀念裡,養老就是找個人照顧自己,但在這群老少女看來,組團養老是為了活得更有品質和尊嚴。
這也是《7位一起生活的單身女人》最讓人感到震憾的地方——這些老奶奶,活得實在太睿智、太清醒了。
組團之初,7位偉大的女性就定立了“不提供護理説明”的規則,避免因為某位團員重病,造成整個團隊生活品質下降,畢竟大家組團的宗旨是好好生活,而不是抱團等死。
在紀錄片中,一直沒能出現在公寓裡的清田,80歲患癌後,一直住在康復醫院。2年來,她積極鍛煉身體,不服輸也不服老,支撐她的是重新回到公寓,與大家在一起的信念。
“不提供護理幫助”聽上去殘忍,卻既能保持團隊的活力,又避免互相埋怨。
久病床前都無孝子,何況是沒有血緣關係的老閨蜜。我們不要質疑人性,更不要去考驗人性,無論朋友還是親人,能好好在一起的前提,是不給彼此添太大的麻煩。
有尊嚴地老去,不僅僅是單身女性的命題,已婚生子又怎麼樣,難不成你還真指望養兒防老?
蔡康永說得非常精闢:
父母為別人犧牲一輩子,沒有自我,但他們必須容忍自己的孩子,忽然有了自我。
無論你打不打算結婚,有沒有孩子,最終都要一個人面臨如何有尊嚴地老去、離去的問題。
2018年,子女在外,父母“空巢”的家庭已經達到50%,到2030年,空巢老人的比例將上升到90%。
看了這7個老年單身貴族的故事,讓年輕的我們有了方向—-
對自己說,我這麼努力,不是為了嫁得更好,而是為了活得更好。
每個人,年輕時的努力,既是為了看世界,也是為了老來不拮据,沒病可以組團養老,有病能進最好的醫養機構。
作者簡介:艾小羊。複雜人生的解局人,品質生活的上癮者,專治各種不高興。
代表作:《活成自己就好了》。
公眾號:我是艾小羊(ID:qingchangaixiaoyang),
微博:有個艾小羊
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