深情無言
惟雯說故事
爸爸被查出身患肺癌那天，媽媽並沒有表現得過度傷心，她只是怔了好久，然後悄悄抹掉了眼角的淚花。
爸爸也很冷靜。在詳細諮詢了醫生、得知化療的過程和結果後，他獨自在房間裡待了一天，出來吃晚飯的時候宣布，他拒絕治療。
在我和妻子小季的勸說和反對聲中，媽媽始終沉默著，一聲不響地往爸爸碗裡夾了幾筷子菜。
爸爸有醫保，治療費用家裡能承擔，但爸爸堅持不治療。他說接受治療不過是延長數月至大半年的壽命，他不願意把自己最後的人生放在醫院，在那裡接受一次又一次痛苦的化療。在所剩不多的時日裡，他希望過自己想要的生活。
媽媽沉默了許久，最後說了句：「讓我們回老家吧，你爸一直想家。」我和小季結婚後，把從學校退休後住到農村的爸媽接到了身邊。
但爸媽時常懷念農村出門就可見到的田園河流，喜歡鄰里間淳樸的家常往來，不習慣大城市裡的壞空氣。
第三天，我和小季就將他們送回了農村老家。
回去以後，他們的日子竟然也過得從從容容。
荒蕪已久的院子被打理得生機勃勃，爸爸隔三岔五去花市，買來許多花、樹，雇三輪車拉回家種下。
我和小季每周回去看他們，小院裡的花一次比一次開得繁盛。
爸爸瘦弱的身體穿梭在灌木叢裡扶鋤鬆土，媽媽在院子一角拎桶接水澆灌。我勸媽媽：「爸爸身體不好，你勸勸他，別操心這些事了。」媽媽回答：「勸不動，他做得高興，就隨他去吧。」
媽媽退休前是教植物課的，一輩子最喜歡的就是花。
爸爸悄悄告訴我：「這些都是你媽喜歡的品種，你媽一直想要這樣一個院子。我年輕的時候總覺得自己忙，沒空打理，又覺得日子還長，拖來拖去，居然拖了幾十年。再不著手，就真來不及了。」
媽媽的心願，爸爸原來一直是記在心裡的。
飯桌上，我看見爸爸並沒有因病忌口，肉和辣椒什麼的，只要他想吃的，媽媽都給他做。
臨走前，我問爸媽要不要再跟我回去，爸媽拒絕了。
爸爸說：「廣兒，爸陪你半輩子，知足了。你媽跟著我半世辛勞，爸剩下的日子不多了，想跟你媽兩個人過點兒清淨日子。這裡挺好。」
生命最後的日子，爸爸選擇和媽媽一起度過。
我和小季每周末都回家看他們。
一個周末，媽媽提前打電話過來通知我們不要回去，說有親戚結婚，他們要去參加婚禮，不在家。
事後從姑姑口中得知，爸媽是出去旅遊了，在雲南待了八天。
怕我和小季不同意，兩人才商量好瞞著我們。
我生氣地責怪爸爸對自己的身體不負責任，責怪媽媽太縱容他了。
媽媽後來對我說：「你爸時日不多了，我們就尊重他，讓他把想做的事都做了吧。人活一輩子，終歸是要走的，如果能做到不留缺憾，那就很完美了。」我無言以對。
從雲南回來後的第二周，爸爸的病情加重了。
這一次，我們尊重了爸爸的選擇，沒有去醫院。
爸爸在自己家中，在我們的陪伴和注視中，平靜地離開了人世。
臨走前，爸爸輕輕叫了一聲媽媽的名字，媽媽把手遞給他，兩雙乾瘦的手握到了一起，十幾分鐘後，爸爸走了。
爸爸的葬禮上，媽媽井井有條地打理著事務。雖然悲傷，但情緒沒有失控，她還用瘦弱的手臂環住了我因壓抑哭泣而抖動的肩說：「廣兒，不要哭，你爸走了，在那邊再也沒有病痛了。」
只是幾個小時以後，送葬的隊伍散去，媽媽還不願意離開。
她讓我和小季先回去： 「你們走吧，我想在這兒安靜地陪陪你爸。地底下黑，他一個人太孤獨。」
爸爸離世後，媽媽開始旅行。
短短半年時間裡，她去了三亞、南京和杭州等地。
回家看媽媽時，她翻開自己的旅遊相冊。
我看見在雲南時，雖有病態卻一臉滿足的爸爸握著媽媽的手站在洱海前；我看見他們在大理的小巷中悠然並肩前行；我還看見，在媽媽後來獨自去的許多景點照片裡，媽媽手上都拿著一張他們的合影。
媽媽說：「這都是你爸生前想去的地方。他來不及去，我把他帶過去。」
這時，我才第一次讀懂了爸媽之間的深情。
「每次在醫院裡看見那些求生不能、求死不得的病人，我就慶幸當初沒讓你爸遭罪。我瞭解你爸，一輩子最要尊嚴，他不怕死，就怕走得不體面。你爸走，我是最傷心的那一個，但是我寧可看著他高高興興地走，也不願看著他活受罪。我相信換了我，你爸也會這樣做。」
媽媽說，「每個人最後都是要走的，就像每一條河、每一條溪，最後都要流向大海一樣。我願意他從從容容地淌過去，在那兒等著我。」
默想︰
真愛，像一片無言的沃土，沒有花俏的張揚，也不需要淺薄的表達，卻是彼此人生最可靠、最實在的根基。
【摘自《人生與伴侶》2013年第17期】
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