原則與偏見
惟雯說故事
待人處世的過程中,「堅持原則」本來是正常的,問題是,你所堅持的究竟是原則,還是偏見?
如果對任何事都堅持「自己的」想法才是對的,對別人的建議和商量,都不願接受,不願意為任何人改變,不替別人設身處地著想,其實,你所堅持的可能只是個人的偏見,到最後可能會對很多人、事造成傷害。
正確的原則除了為自己所堅持的,也會為其他人所接受,不僅現在的人可以接受,未來的人也可以接受,甚至過去也曾經被人接受過,這才叫做「原則」。
亦即,原則通常能夠符合多數人共同的的想法和意願。
所以,若你仍分不清自己到底是「擇善固執」,還是「把個人偏見當成原則」,其實,只要觀察別人對這件事情的觀感,就能判斷出究竟是偏見還是原則。
如果你的想法和做法,讓每個人都覺得受不了、很痛苦,每個人都覺得那是錯的、有問題的,只有你認為是對的,那很可能就是偏見。
此外,做人有做人的原則,做事也有做事的原則。
做人的原則首先要「保護自己」,同時也要「尊重他人」;自己受益也希望對他人有幫助,秉持彼此互惠互助的立場,這種原則才是對的。
做事的原則,應該要以大多數人的利益為考量,如果所堅持的原則,是出於自私或為了少數人或貪圖一時的方便,這就是偏見,就是執著。
另外,原則也不是一成不變的,它會隨著時間或區域環境的不同而有所改變。唯一不變的是,一定是為眾人著想,能夠為大家所樂於接受的。
太過執著偏見的人,會帶給周遭的人很多煩惱,因為自我意識太強,自我中心太堅固,就會堅持自己的性情或想法,全身如同刺蝟般長滿利刺,動輒傷人而無法圓融待人;所以有人說:「做人處事要內方而外圓」,「內方」就是原則,「外圓」就是不傷人。
雖然在心裡有一定的標準,可是當需要變通的時候,也不要執意不變,食古不化,必須要有一些靈巧機變的觀念想法。適時地轉一個彎、換個角度或是多用同理心,這樣才不會讓人覺得你很難相處,事情才容易成就的。
時時提醒自己「內方外圓」的原則,也是化除心裡過份執著的方法之一;更進一步說,如果我們能夠不以自我為中心的堅持己見,任何事情都能看得開、看得淡、放得下,而且能夠包容所有的人、所有的事,自然而然就不會有偏見,當然就沒有煩惱了。
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