百密一疏

百密一疏

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奇哥半夜在書房加班,老婆又來了。

 

鑑於前幾次深夜臥談,我的智商被屢次吊打,於是我開門見山:「夫妻一場,這些年,我沒有功勞也有苦勞,您有事直說。」

 

老婆微笑:「沒事就不能給你按按肩?」

她開始給奇哥按肩。

 

「我的手藝,跟水療會所的小妹比,哪個好?」

(這個坑太簡單,奇哥會跳?)

「不知道,我沒按過肩。」

 

「不按肩,那按哪裡?」

「奇哥說我沒去過那種地方。」

 

「那你打火機上的怎麼印著什麼什麼休閒會所?」她迅速把桌上的打火機捏在手裡問奇哥。

這個問題,奇哥防不勝防。

奇哥估計她早就看到了打火機,但她不直接問,而是從按肩開始切入話題。

 

溫水煮青蛙,察言觀色。

女人,可怕。

 

「打火機應該是劉明的,上次跟他吃飯順手拿他的。沒想到他是這種經常去會所的人。」

奇哥也算是老江湖,凡是說不清的問題,都把髒水潑在劉明身上。

 

老婆:「你跟劉明也算朋友吧?」

「當然!」

「劉明知道你這麼坑他嗎?」老婆伸出右手,亮出打火機,「這就是個普通火機,上面根本沒寫什麼休閒會所。怎麼變成劉明從會所拿的了?」

 

原來是詐我。

她根本就沒看到那個打火機。

「這個…..」奇哥一時反應不過來。

 

「你長進了,撒謊都不眨眼。」

「我也就隨口說了一種可能性。」

「那你也不能坑人家劉明。他真的經常去那種會所?我告訴他老婆去。」

 

「沒有,開玩笑的,他從來不去。」

「那就好,如果你身邊有去這種地方的朋友,建議不要來往。」

奇哥鬆了一口氣:「當然。我就說嘛,咱們家怎麼可能會出現這種打火機。」

 

「是嗎?那,這個打火機又是哪裡來的呢?」她伸出左手,亮出一個打火機,上面赫然寫著XX休閒會所。

奇哥徹底懵逼。

 

奇哥先把朋友當擋箭牌,隨後發現虛驚一場,接著又把朋友洗白。

當奇哥以為危機已經結束,沒想到才剛開始。

這局牌還沒打,奇哥已經扔掉了王炸。

 

有些坑,越填越深,那奇哥只能不填。

還剩最後一招:死不承認!

「我不知道。」

 

「不知道?」老婆這句話帶著殺氣。

「你相信我會去那種地方嗎?我花35塊錢在咖啡店坐1個小時都覺得貴,又怎麼捨得花幾千塊去做那4分鐘的事?」奇哥自黑。

 

「過分了啊,誇自己也得有個限度,你哪有4分鐘啊?」她補刀。

奇哥點煙。沉默。

 

「你無權保持沉默。」

這時電話響了,是劉明。

 

「擴音。」老婆說。

電話接通,劉明在電話裡說:「我有個打火機不見了,上面寫著XX休閒會所的,是不是在你那?」

我:「是是是。在我這裡!」

 

劉明:「太好了,我還以為丟在我家裡,如果被我老婆發現就慘了。」

 

我得意的看著老婆,我的眼神在說:看到了吧,這個打火機真的是劉明的!

劉明又說了一句:「咱們下次再去,千萬別再拿店裡的打火機。」

 

啪,電話掛了。

奇哥知道,他也快掛了。

 

這個故事告訴我們,

 

吸煙有害健康!吸煙真的有害健康!

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