家書
大宅
尊敬的老婆：
您好！
在經過慎重研究，並做好在外風餐露宿3天的心理準備下，特向您提出申請。因為沒有寫過這類申請書，因此若有格式差錯之處，請您別見笑！
申請事項：娶二房
有效時間：直到你肯幫我分攤一些家務的時候
申請理由：
1．娶二房並不會導致交通癱瘓、金融危機、失業高潮；
2．娶二房會增加家庭對我的吸引力，發生婚外情的機率可以降低99%，不信您試試？
3．娶二房可以幫我分擔家務，目前情況是：一個人做兩個人的家務，如果娶了二房，就是兩個人做三個人的家務，平均每人分擔1.5的家務，而現在是2，當然您是不需要做家務的，畢竟您是大太太嘛。
4．娶了二房，供您使喚的就不止我一個了，你在使喚誰的時候有了選擇權，這也從客觀上增加了我等的競爭壓力，相信辦事效果一定比娶二房之前提高33.3%，這就從客觀上保證了您對生活的高要求，不信您試試？
5．娶了二房，您就可以不生小BB，您不是一直擔心生小BB的時候痛苦嗎？在您的恩賜下我娶了二房的時候，這些又苦又累又痛的差使就可以交給二房去做了，而您呢，既有小BB陪您玩，還不要您給他擦屁屁，多美好的四人世界啊！心動不如行動，快決定吧！
6．娶了二房，您就有了貼身丫環，不會再出現我們一起逛街你到處逛、我無精打采地跟從的現象了，最重要的是，你找了個綠葉，自己做了紅花。
7．娶了二房，您就多了一份自由，您不是很討厭我在您背後毛手毛腳的亂動麼？如果娶了二房，只要您想自由，我就睡到另一個房間去。
老婆，我不會那麼迂腐的搞個什麼八大理由、八大建議之類的八股文來證明什麼，現在就這麼七個理由。說實話，若我是您，我就同意。
哎！您還別反問一句「如果我嫁兩個老公，你願不願？」
我現在就回答您，如果您能提出類似這七個理由中的第三、四條來，我就同意。您能嗎？不能。所以，我不同意。
總之，娶二房，我好、你好、她也好！如果別人說三道四，別理他們！
此致 敬禮
申請人：您的老公
時間：今天
******************************************************
老婆的批覆—-
尊敬的老公：
您好！經過慎重研究，並做好在家做家務活 3天的心理準備下，特將您提出的申請進行回覆。因為沒有寫過這類回覆，因此若有格式差錯之處，您別見笑！
回覆事項：娶二房
有效時間：直到你不再提出要我分攤家務活為止
回復理由：
1．娶二房並不會導致交通癱瘓、金融危機、失業高潮
答覆：但有可能造成你半身癱瘓、家庭危機、失業在家
2．娶二房會增加家庭對我的吸引力，發生婚外情的機率可以降低99%，不信您試試？
答覆：這會造成你老婆的婚外情機率上升到99%，不信您試試！
3．娶二房可以幫我分擔家務，目前情況是：一個人做兩個人的家務，如果娶了二房，就是兩個人做三個人的家務，平均每人分擔1.5的家務，而現在是2，當然您是不需要做家務的，畢竟您是大太太嘛。
答覆：想要改變目前的情況，可以請一位保姆，這樣只要 1個人分擔100%的家務就可以了。還省下來你給二房的供養費及求婚鑽戒等…
4．娶了二房，供您使喚的就不止我一個了，你在使喚誰的時候有了選擇權，這也從客觀上增加了我等的競爭壓力，相信辦事效果一定比娶二房之前提高 33.3%，這就從客觀上保證了您對生活的高要求，不信您試試？
答覆：如果要聽使喚，我建議娶個男寵回家，第一不會跟您爭地位，第二100%聽我的話，這也客觀上降低你的競爭壓力，也100%保證了我對性生活的高要求。
5．娶了二房，您就可以不生小BB，您不是一直擔心生小BB的時候痛苦嗎？如果在三個代表重要思想的勾引下、在兩個務必精神的鼓動下、在您的恩賜下我娶了二房的時候，這些又苦又累又痛的差使就可以交給二房去做了，而您呢，既有小BB陪您玩，還不要您給他擦屁屁，多美好的四人世界啊！心動不如行動，快決定吧！
答覆：可以交給代理孕母給我們生出一男一女的龍鳳胎來，多美好的四人世界啊~
6．娶了二房，您就有了貼身丫環，不會再出現我們一起逛街，你到處逛、我無精打釆地跟從的現象了，最重要的是，你找了個綠葉，自己做了紅花。
答覆：紅花都有兩片綠葉襯的，兩個老公正合適~
7．娶了二房，您就多了一份自由，您不是有時候很討厭我在您背後毛手毛腳的亂動麼？如果娶了二房，只要您想自由，我就睡到另一個房間去。
答覆：我們家現在就只有一個房間~
總結：老公，我不會那麼迂腐的搞個什麼八大理由、八大建議之類的八股文來證明什麼，現在就這麼七個建議，說實話，如果你真不想做家務我還真同意。你可別再舉出家庭事務誰分擔的問題，這些家務事我找樓上王二麻子不行嗎？您願意嗎？
我知道你不願意，所以我不同意！
總之，娶二房的後果，你就等著瞧…
此致 敬禮
回覆人：您的老婆
時間：今天
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Kelvin Kaemingk has over two decades of helping people make smarter decisions regarding their mortgage and money decisions. He began his career in financial planning and migrated into the mortgage space in 2002. He is passionate and committed to helping people throughout their lives, make the best financial decisions for themselves and their families. As a father of three, and now Papa K (grandpa) to one, a team builder and recruiter, Kelvin thrives on helping others realize their potential, often referenced as “Everyone’s biggest fan”. Kelvin Kaemingk is the Area Manager for loanDepot and Co-Host of the Real Estate Chalk Talk radio program based in the Minneapolis – St. Paul area. Kelvin Kaemingk, NMLS 251124 | Branch NMLS 1139048
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